Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

And sometimes life feels so...yet so beautiful

I was looking for joys in little things
Maybe I just looked at the wrong places.

The curtain raised
Performance to be made
Audience beckons action
The Bustle is just moments away

Stage fright is an every morning drama

Sleep help me run away...

-SW

The water is becalmed by my silence
I have been staring at its glassy surface for so long
Reflections of life
Pass in an ethereal stupor
Reality masked in the veils of the past.

So much can happen in so little time....
Enough to turn your world upside down,
yet so fast that you can't even exhale.
Life is..life was supposed to be
this way.

Humiliated, pushed, suffocated, irritated, disgusted,
Still

Togetherness is such strange freedom...

I thought I could walk the tight rope,
Now I am losing balance.

Be afraid, very afraid...
You may just get what you ask for...

The weary traveller trudges the narrow path
in a stupor
of a long walk

I think about getting back to my life..a little sunshine, a little rain...is it time yet?

Big goals and big money....What, when, why, where, who and HOW!

The woman on the train was chatting away regardless of whether anyone was interested or not...her soliloquoy on Hindi movie scripts 'borrowed' from Hollywood was at best without an ounce of accuracy...Reminded me of the Annie Hall sequence at the theatre and I could be Woody Allen!

Every morning, in the rush of the hour, the deep blue sea fills me with a sense of calm.

I started a new phase in my life...professionally that is. Each time I make a change in my life...its like stirring a hornet's nest of existential questions. It somehow compels me to undertake a journey to unravel aspects of me and my life rather than just sticking to the job at hand...am still on that rollercoaster waiting for respite!

The week passed in a daze...a nice kind of delirium. Have travelled to the extremes and back...walking right on the middle of my tightrope again.

Begging...with style!

I am Karishma and Madhuri every morning for the eunuchs at the traffic lights....I don't get any pleasure out of the compliment (?) and they don't get any money out of me....

There is an old blind man I see on the station steps each night...he seems to be blessing the world (why?). Does he bless you because you gave him money or did you give him money because he blessed you?

We all beg.
"Dahlin' I chipped my nail...its so depressing. Lets go shopping?" or "Dad I failed Music appreciation...time to get a better Music System?" or "Boss that party I invited you for...Can't afford it if you don't give me a raise!"

We were meant to be soulmates. I mean meant. We are so alike aren't we??? The part of me that you know is the part of you in me. You don't want to see the others...the mes in me. You did catch a glimpse this time and did I notice you cringing? It could have been...but soul mates without soul?

Its time to jump into the deep end again...the waters could be shark infested but that only time will tell!!!

Can there be an unconditional friendship...a friendship where 6000 miles melt? Thanks for breaking myths and for being there!

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in - the city of cities
Lonely as I am, together we cry we cry we cry

I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love - take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love - take me all the way

I drive on the streets, 'cos he's my companion
I walk through his fields, 'cos he knows who I am
He sees my good day, then he kisses me windy
I never worry - now that's a lie

I don't ever want to feel ……

It's hard to believe there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have his love - the city he loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry

I don't ever want to feel…..

Under the Bridge….All Saints/Red Hot Chilli Peppers

More often than not, I feel like I am trapezing above the real world. I seldom descend to the lower grounds…I like it better that way. Gazing at the trivial going-ons of the ant-like-world; the six degrees of separation between the imaginary and the real is what keeps me alive.

I want to feel healthy again....

Blowing Hot, Hot, Hot

Sirocco…with a graphic picture of two individuals who don’t seem to care much for clothes (its hot after all!) plastered on every wall and pole. I often wonder, who makes these movies and who can actually act (is that what it is called?) in them. Apparently, a whole bunch of people considering how often the posters change. Not much different from Bollywood anyway, where a need for cheap thrills emerges victorious over storylines...sad.

Foot prints

I stared at the floor of the auto; the dirt, the peeling paint and the invisible foot prints that have scarred its surface. Imprints of people walking in and out, traveling along only till their destination. Like the people in my life. And I always let them leave. How can you hold on to someone who wants to go...

Somethings never change,
Even when emotions get way outta range,
So Calvin, this I guarantee,
There's much more we gotta see!

The ones you lose are not real friends…

Dr. Woo's Philosophy # 203

If you think the world's looking grey,
Take off those dark coloured glasses for heaven's sake!

Dr. Woo is back... Hold on for the pearls of infinite wisdom!

Whats in a name...

I really don't know. To me you are more than a name...I could call you thousands of different names because there are so many ways to describe you, so many things you make me feel...then how can I dare restrain you by a chain of letters?
I wrote a story once...about two people, people like you and me...I don't remember giving them names...public names...for that would undermine their essence.
There are stereotypes in names...there are stories in nicknames. I will call you that I promise...that is all I promise.

'tween the copper sun and silver moon,
I weave my dreams and fantasies,
the surreal spindle spins
my yarns of insanity,
I wear the sheath
to cover my life,
impenetrable.

"Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean. "

From Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Time to move, I daresay...

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.

From ALONE by Edgar Allan Poe

There are fragments of me lying restless across barren time,
Piece me together. I have waited so long.

The flycatcher munched on Mr. Mosquito loudly,
I could smell the electric funeral!

A worried man with a worried mind
No one in front of me and nothing behind
There's a woman on my lap and she's drinking champagne
Got white skin, got assassin's eyes
I'm looking up into the sapphire tinted skies
I'm well dressed, waiting on the last train
Standing on the gallows with my head in a noose
Any minute now I'm expecting all hell to break loose

People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed

This place ain't doing me any good
I'm in the wrong town, I should be in Hollywood
Just for a second there I thought I saw something move
Gonna take dancing lessons do the jitterbug rag
Ain't no shortcuts, gonna dress in drag
Only a fool in here would think he's got anything to prove
Lot of water under the bridge, Lot of other stuff too
Don't get up gentlemen, I'm only passing through

I've been walking forty miles of bad road
If the bible is right, the world will explode
I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can
Some things are too hot to touch
The human mind can only stand so much
You can't win with a losing hand
Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet
Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street

I hurt easy, I just don't show it
You can hurt someone and not even know it
The next sixty seconds could be like an eternity
Gonna get low down, gonna fly high
All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie
I'm love with a woman who don't even appeal to me
Mr. Jinx and Miss Lucy, they jumped in the lake
I'm not that eager to make a mistake

The song has been in my head all day...Play it again Dylan?!

The man sat on the roadside with his array of bright plastic wares, checking his reflection on the sun-tinted glass of each passing car...no change.

My eyes are blind but I can see
The snowflakes glisten on the tree
The sun no longer sets me free
I feel there's no place freezing me

Snowblind-Black Sabbath

I had almost forgotten the sound of Sabbath...

The little raft tossed upon the rising white waters. Funny, thought the raft, the river never behaved this way. He had always drifted with the current, lazily basking in the warm sunlight across many lands. But now the river seemed to have a mind of his own.
The dark figure on the raft was trying hard to chart their course as the waters grew stormier. They had been together so long...it was so hard to let go. He paddled harder and the resistance grew. Suddenly, he was holding on for his dear life.
The raft realized first...He had to weather this storm alone. He mustered up all his strength and swirled in the current. Slowly, he built a force with which he flung himself near the banks. The dark figure now lay safely on the side while there were remnants of a raft dancing in the whirlpool.

Stark images
Bright Lights
Chasing a mirage
I wanted to make the world look beautiful!

You leave home...
Once again the baby
Freshly dug out
of the womb
Tied by an umblical
Naked and insecure
In a mess
You cry.

Realization came...late as usual...

Punditji navigated the morning rush on his Hero Passion, his tools of trade slung over his left arm...it was business as usual.

The outward shows of sky and earth,
Of hill and valley, he has viewed;
And impulses of deeper birth
Have come to him in solitude.

In common things that round us lie
Some random truths he can impart,--
The harvest of a quiet eye
That broods and sleeps on his own heart.

A Poet’s Epitaph- William Wordsworth (1799)

Ambition....

The autowalla gestured to the Merc driver that his tyres needed a check and looked longingly inside the rolled-up windows....

I could barely stand.
The music played on.
Twisted psychedelic dreams.
Eyes staring through a broken kaleidoscope.
Comprehending faces in silhouettes of charcoal black.
Life passing in spasms of irrelevance.
The moment was over.

The lights have dimmed,
The walls are closing in,
The world bears a different colour...
of the unknown,
of the end.

Love is a forced choice...

She peeked from the veil
Smiled
Slowly slipped off her excesses
And emerged a butterfly.

Coffee in the Candlelight

I walk into the cafe to meet some friends and poof...blackout! Better still..not a soul in the shop...so I order my Mocha and cookie...strum the badly-out-of-tune guitar...in the candle light....and wait....

It wasn't so bad after all!

Mine, immaculate dream made breath and skin
I've been waiting for you
Signed, with a home tattoo,
Happy birthday to you was created for you
(can't ever keep from falling apart
At the seams
Can't I believe you're taking my heart
To pieces)
Oh, it'll take a little time,
might take a little crime
to come undone now

We'll try to stay blind
to the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry
Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone

Words, playing me deja vu
Like a radio tune I swear I've heard before
Chill, is it something real
Or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers
(Can't ever keep from falling apart
At the seams
Can I believe you're taking my heart
To pieces)
Lost, in a snow filled sky, we'll make it alright
To come undone now

Explain please...anyone...Duran Duran???

Fooling people and fooling myself...
I pretended to be what I am not..
Yesterday I slept with that feeling.
Today I woke up with finality...

Called off compromises,
Made a few adjustments...
Don't know if things will change...
But I have done my job for the day.

Tomorrow may bring hurt and regret...
but these things don't last, do they???
Replaced or forgotten....
Today is all that should matter!

Not many make it in an alternative career.
The stakes are too high.

I roamed Middle Earth again...

Two drops are we
losing our identity
as we merge in the ocean
not ourselves or together
part of a vast existence
always

The rocks on her fingers
shot lasers through others
moving in tandem
with the sun and her hands.

Death came softly that night
and spoke to me in its honey voice
of a thousand silent wind chimes

"I will give you peace
without a struggle,
Sleep without trouble,
In my arms you can lie,
Loved for eternity"

I awoke...

Call me all the names in the book...
All the adjectives from the deepest recesses of your mind...
One thing I refuse to be
is a Door mat.

Everybody's been in my face
tellin' me I gotta make a change
all I ever hear day and night is "you better hurry up and get
a life"
I need some direction - 'cause the clock is ticking away
then a friend of a friend of mine
says I've really been on his mind
find wants to go out and check out what the feelin's about
says we have a deep connection - well it sure is news to me
and all can I say is
intuition tells me how to live my day
intuition tells me when to walk away
could have turned left
could haven turned right
but I ended up here
bang in the middle of real life

Natalie Imbruglia - Intuition (could have been me....)

Life has become one clinical affair....

He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Pop, Six, Squish, Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!

You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie like to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP.
Well, I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and
looking for a little sympathy
and there'e Bernie layin'
on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin'.
Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "Bernie, you pop that
gum one more time..."
and he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.

Chorus -He had it coming....

I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake city about two years ago
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd
mix him a drink, We'd have dinner.
Well, it was like heaven in
two and a half rooms.
And then I found out,
"Single" he told me?
Single, my ass. Not only
was he married
...oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Morons, you know. So that
night, when he came home, I mixed him
his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold
their arsenic.

Chorus -He had it coming....

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carvin' up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Wilbur,
in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman,"
he says. He was crazy
and he kept screamin',
"you been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!

What I am doing here? They say,
that the famous lakem kept down my husband
and I stoke off his head. But this is not true,
I am guiltless. I dont know why Uncle Sam says that I did it.
I tried to explain at the police station
but they didn't understand me...
Yeah, but did you do it?
UH UH, not guilty!

My sister, Veronica and
I did this double act
and my husband, Charlie,
used to travel round with us.
Now, for the last number in
our act, we did these 20 acrobatic
four,five...splits, spread eagles,
back flips,flip flops,
one right after the other.
Well, this one night we were in Cicero,
the three of us, sittin' up
in a hotel room, boozin' and
havin' a few laughs and
we ran out of ice.
So I went out to get some.
I come back, open the door
and there's Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen-
the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out.I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.

They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
All along
'Cause if they used us
'Cause if they used us And they abused us
And they abused us
How could you tell us
How could you tell us That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?

He Had it Coming alright! The Oscars I mean...
While CHICAGO is making all kinds of news, I don't know how many will agree that this song really is the movie!

Words forming strange sentences on the pieces of papers lying forgotten on my table which is dusty from neglect screaming its usefulness to ears closed to the world of materialistic things...

1. Strange faces...
Expressing
ANGER, DISGUST, BOREDOM, ANGUISH, CONTEMPT, SADNESS, HELPLESSNESS...
i smile
at the million stories told
amused
they have never been heard

2. The world of Mumbai locals...
i. Would the Mumbai small/home industries survive without such a marketplace?
ii. Would Mumbai expand at such an alarming pace?
iii. Would the molestation rates fall drastically without its grace?

3. A city of strong emotions...
You Love it, Hate it,
Hate to Love it (but do!)
and Love to Hate it.
Neutral- You just can't be!

The plane swooped down like a sea gull circling its domain.
Little-coloured diwali lights strung like tales welcomed me.

The city has always been a temptress-
"And all that's best of dark and bright,
Meet in her aspect and her eyes".
Shes alive and hard to get.
But in the end, she's home...

His Nokia was his teddy bear!

The cabbie asked me-

Has the temperature been soaring in the city because of the war?

Bad things happen to good people all the time...

My friend

I know

You will survive.

The innocence of childhood,
The swing, the porch, the trees,
I was everything that made the sunshine brighter.

Age dimmed
The lonely corner
With a novel in hand
And thoughts traveling the span of space and time
I am in love with the moon.

Darkness I wear around me
My vices I treasure within
My angst has become my passion
I dare not be another
I could not be me.

Grief fills the room up of my absent child,
Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,
Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,
Remembers me of all his gracious parts,
Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form.
Then have I reason to be fond of grief.

Constance's lines - King John- Shakespeare

You call me when you get lonely
I want you to be my reason of never being lonely
Even when you are away....

Shhhhhh......

I fight my demons everyday
Trying to kill them without hurting myself

When the days have no laughter
Smiles just fade
Tears refuse to fall
The mood just stays

Come as the spirit
The soothing calm
And croon the soul to peace
Just make it last

If you have to build those walls around you,
show me a door...

The greatest teachers are those who never cease to learn...

I learnt from him as he did from me...
The importance of being yourself,
The only way to be truly free.

The free spirit is living..
while I exist mangled by chains
of other things.

Is patience really a virtue???
Good excuse for people who have nothing better to do than wait...but what's more amazing is how well we've been trained to take bullshit and even be glad for it!

All I need today...
a. A security blanket
B. Peace of mind
Come to think of it..if I had one..would I need the other???

The little white lies can often save the day....
Sometimes...
You even start believing them yourself...

Dependence...is such a temporary thing for an escapist...you can't afford the privilege!

CONFUSED...isn't everyone???

I despise the man...
Incompetence does not make me laugh anymore,
Just so sad!

I need to oil the rusty joints,
Life is creaking...

I am back...to the place I had called home for years. There have been so many changes...little changes...the kinds that nag you the most.
Sometimes you wonder why you ever left...would it have been any different if you didn't???
There is still solace in the faint familiarity...
the remains of burnt photo albums,
the faces without the glow,
my smile which just fails to be,
I cannot stay.

At the start of each journey, I wonder- Will I reach my destination? Or will even the journey be worth the destination? Wandering still...wondering!